Dear diary

Diary of a Mana footballer

Man, Im never gonna drink again. Nah maybe im never gonna smoke the weed again. No wait, I got it. Im never gonna smoke the weed the morning after I’ve drunk half my body weight in bourbon and cokes.

Gees whatta crappy day. I woke up at 12 with Jim ringing me to come play football down at Kura. I should never have played. We only had 9 and that was including Wally who hadn’t kept the goal in 20 years. And Jim is good, but he’s 58 and its starting to show. And they were the fittest, fastest bunch of arseholes we have played this year.

My first half went kinda like this. Run for two minutes, spit, run for a bit more, another spit, five minutes on the sideline hackin up my insides, a quick spliff and then start the whole cycle again. The boys got a bit pissed at me I reckon cos I often didn’t tell them that I was going off. Whatever. Old bastards.

But man this Brookland team, or wherever the hell they were from, were pretty awesome. Though they were a bit wayward in front of goal. I think the half time score was 7-nil. The had lots of one-twos going and this guy Monty scored two of their goals, as well as a couple to some guy Ben and one to Ay-Jay who apparently got his first goal ever. We didn’t get into their half much, despite having the wind behind us. I don’t remember much else from that half cos I spent most of it bent over the porcelain.

In the second half, their player Monty, he came and played for us. He was awesome. He said after it was the most enjoyable half of footy he has played all year. I guess that means we must be pretty alright when we get into our stride.

They still scored most of the goals in that half, diary, but I say “most of the goals” with all the right intentions – cos we got one back. Wally gave the ball a big boot, which didn’t go very far but then Tim knocked it forward and Jamie and Monty chased the ball deep into their half. The cocky bastards had left only two guys in defence and had some guy called Morage (poor bastard scored a great headed goal though) in goal who wasn’t their normal keeper. Jamie smashed it passed him and we were back in the game. Well, we weren’t but all the old blokes were really stoked to have scored against the best defenders in the grade with only 10 men.

They got a few more, all to a bunch of guys who hadn’t scored before, even that guy Nick who is famous round the league for not having scored yet, the pricks were just lining up. The score finished up 13-1 with 11 of their guys scoring goals. Pretty impressive I guess. But I didn’t see them drinkin beers at halftime. Pussies.

The team: July 6th vs Mana

Phil
Nick	Gimli		Mortgage
Ben
AJ	Donnie	BC	MattNich
	Monty	Jarrod
Subs	Jules
Ref	Dom
Absentees	Dan	Sam	Arnu
	Johnny
Goals	1st	2nd
	Jarrod 12’	Mortgage 48’
	BC 20’	MattNich 55’
	Monty 25’	Nick 60’
	Monty32’	Phil 80’
	AJ 34’	Dom 85’
	Ben 38’	Jules 89’
	Ben 42’

They asked me to nominate the player of the day and I picked Ay-Jay. They also asked for the dick of the day and that was really easy. It went to some guy called Mattnick who, after he scored, screamed and ran around like my dog does when I’m on the P. What a cock.