Good.... but not great.

We racked up another good score, but the Public Service left Upper Hutt a little deflated as we pretty much let the Upper Hutt Slayers (UHS) off the hook. The final score will show a command performance by the BNU Public Service, winning 11 goals to one. But with a 7-1 half time lead, it should have been much, much greater.

Upper Hutt had spent most of the season rooted at second to bottom on the league table. A 5-1 win against the Uni Bombers last week had seen them surge to third from bottom, and despite their position they did enjoy the 4^th best attack in the competition. Donnie’s mate had said they were handy enough up front but to stand in awe of a rather large player who occupied their centre midfield. In truth he did more than occupy centre mid, he covered most of it. Standing, we estimate, probably about 7’0”, weighing in between 150kg and 200kgs, he was actually a gentle giant. He did make the rest of us look rather small though.

So our second 10 plus goal game in as many weeks, this one was not nearly as satisfying. The specifics of each goal have been lost in a haze of strikes. But it went kinda like this.

Jarrod, back after 5 weeks away, came back and was on the score sheet inside the first 15, when the UHS keeper made an absolute mess of things gathering in a lob. Like a Japanese Zero pilot of doubleya doubleya two, Jarrod came screaming out of the sun to tap in the fumble. Then something happened that has only ever happened one other time this season. The opposition drew level. A poor clearance was gathered in by the UHS midfield who passed to their most dangerous player. He dribbled passed a couple of defenders, then fired in a bullet of a shot from 20 yards out that was only millimetres out of reach of a leaping Dom. Players from both sides applauded the goal, and to be honest it was probably the shot of the season. However to tell the story of the game, it was one of only three shots on goal that the UHS had the entire game.

BC smashed home our second from a Ben set up, then Ben from provider to finisher as he nudged in a pinpoint perfect corner by Donnie. Ben leads the BNUS PS Golden Boot standings with 15 goals. Then we scored three more in a six minute burst. A second to Jarrod was followed by a wonderfully struck own goal after Monty headed it in the direction of the goal but a defender jumped up to head it passed the wrong footed keeper. Finally BC pushed home his second, a lovely strike off his left. Donnie rounded out the first half scoring after his usual run of missed shots and loud expletives.

With such a strong wind negating the chip and chase tactics favoured by most of the teams in our grade, the Upper Hutt team never complained about conceding goals as, quite frankly, the restart put them into their best attacking position.

The first half, despite the score line, had been pretty arse in terms of our football. The considerable wind we had at our backs and the hard ground meant the ball was running away from our attack too quickly. It was probably one of the worst halves of football we have played, and speaks volumes for the quality of the opposition.

Turning into the wind would mean hopefully some better football. There were glimpses, but things just failed to click. Emu kicked off the scoring in the first half with a truly appalling piece of football. One-on-one with the keeper, Emu’s first attempt was a massive air shot, his second shot only going in because the keeper had turned away in disgust. Emu’s second goal was a much better effort. I very good finish after some great build up down the left through Dan. Nick, trying to score his first goal for the club, was given a great opportunity, in truth his first and only opportunity to date, but sadly pushed it too high and too hard, the ball taking a piece of the crossbar on its way out of the ground.

Dan got one, after dribbling past a few defenders and firing home. Jarrod finished off the scoring with his hattrick goal. He then jumped in for a spell in goal, being called into work almost immediately after a slip caused a miss-kick by centre back Monty that went straight out to the Upper Hutt attack, who promptly kicked it wide for another goal kick. The second half had some better football, but the UHS goal keeper was either different from the first half or just decided to play better as some great shots, particularly from BC and Jules, were well saved.

A late injection of pace and enthusiasm in the form of Dom did not result in the late goal flurry as in happened last week, as he’d left his crossing boots at home and despite acres of space and time, couldn’t drop a pass into the host of BNU PS players filling the goal box. Perhaps next week…..

Servant of the week goes to Jarrod for his three goal/clean sheet double. A nice return for him after being away for the last five games.

Dick of the week also goes to Jarrod. We have a team agreed goal to get all members on the score sheet by the end of the season. To date there are still five members scoreless. They include MattNich, Johnny, Nick the Greek, Mortgage, and AJ. We have attempted over the last two weeks, to shift these guys into better positions to score, once we're comfortably in the lead. In this case, regular right back, Johnny ‘The Travelling Man’ Fromont was catapulted into the front line. Now Jarrod, having already scored a double, found himself at left back. Dan at left mid, suddenly noticed a massive space behind him as Jarrod “followed up” a little too far on an attacking run. When questioned by Dan, Jarrod suggest that Dan drop back to cover him. It was then reported that Jarrod started calling Johnny back to left midfield so he could get back up to the front. Cheeky bastard. Honourable (or dishonourable) mention goes to Emu, who while on the sidelines was offered a sub by centre back Gimli. He strangely declined, though he’d been off a while. It all became clear minutes later when Jules who was running himself ragged up front, chasing numerous lost-cause through balls, came off for a spell. Emu was quick to raise his hand and come on up front.

Stats are our friend: We have now scored in our last four games more goals than 85% of the teams in Wellington have scored in their whole season. We have scored the most goals, and have the best goal differential (+68) in the capital by a considerable margin. With, in theory six games remaining, we are on pace to notch up 100 goals for the season.

Our next game is against the last placed, and owner of the worst defence in the grade, Porirua Mana College. Sadly though, it looks like we will be thwarted in our attempt to nudge the 20 goal mark by our old foe, the weather. Bastard.

The team: June 25^th vs Upper Hutt Slayers

Dom
AJ	Gimli		Johnny
Arnu
Monty	Donnie	BC	Ben
	Jules	Jarrod
Subs	Nick	Dan
Ref
Absentees	MattNich	Sam	Phil
	Mortgage
Goals	1st	2nd
	Jarrod 12’	Emu 48’
	BC 20’	Emu 55’
	Ben 25’	Dan 60’
	Jarrod 32’	Jarrod 80’
	O.G. (Monty) 34’
	BC 38’
	Donnie 42’

CAPITAL 13:

Island Bay Piglets    2    Porirua City          1

Upper Hutt Slayers    1    Brooklyn Northern    11

Porirua City Mana     1    Western Suburbs       7

Uni Lateral           0    SV Sunshine           4

Karori Swifts         6    Brooklyn Pints        2

Uni Bombers           4    Wainuiomata           1

Petone Martians       3    SV Destroyers         0

                       P  W  D  L  GF  GA  Pts

Brooklyn Northern     12 10  2  0  75   7  32

SV Sunshine           12  9  1  2  48  23  28

Wainuiomata           12  8  2  2  30  21  26

Island Bay Piglets    12  7  1  4  42  39  22

Brooklyn Pints        12  7  0  5  30  29  21

Karori Swifts         12  5  3  4  37  29  18

Uni Bombers           12  5  2  5  22  28  17

Porirua City          12  5  1  6  25  29  16

Western Suburbs       12  5  1  6  30  35  16

Uni Lateral           12  4  2  6  25  30  14

Petone Martians       12  4  2  6  29  46  14

SV Destroyers         12  2  1  9  25  46   7

Upper Hutt Slayers    12  2  1  9  33  56   7

Porirua City Mana     12  1  1 10  24  57   4

On the 12th day of christmas......

Hoooooo baby.

Look this is gonna be a rather shambolic effort. We scored lots. I can’t remember them in order so this will be a series of short goal descriptions. 12 in all. That’s right, 12.

Foreword

We played the Petone Martians at Petone Memorial ground, which was actually quite good, with excellent nets, and a firm track. They had a flash-as ref for the first half who told a few people *cough(Donnie)* to stop swearing. We had no subs with no less than seven regular public servants away for numerous reasons.

Gimli scored first, it was about 15 minutes into the game. Glyn brought the ball in deep from right back. He passed across the top of goal and found Ben in good position but under considerable pressure. Gimli was screaming for it coming over the half way line. Ben laid it off and Gimli gave it a good solid hammering. It was arguably going in, he middled it so it was likely headed over. But football is a funny game and anything can happen. In this case, it did. Some Martian stuck his hand up and the ball ricocheted into the back of the net. Top stuff, lots of Messi/Maradona gags abounded. 1-0.

A nice lob in from somebody (probably Donnie) found Ben’s head and the back of the net. Nice work. 2-0.

Monty got the ball somewhere, dribbled for quite a while then struck home a strong first up offering.3-0.

Phil was not a favourite of the Martian’s keeper, who spent fully three quarters of the first half fetching Phil’s wild shots from the car park, 50 yards behind the goal. Phil finally got one, when, in a rare moment of indecision (normally its a simple decision, just hammer it), Phil decided to aim at the keeper. It was a pretty strong shot but the keeper chose, not to catch it but to parry it into his goal. Phil later said he felt a bit guilty about claiming that one. 4-0.

Ben got the ball at about half way and pretty much dribbled the ball up and into the goal. A solid piece of individual brilliance. 5-0.

Middleword

Despite a five-nil lead Dom still came off the field angry as a Scotsman who’s dropped a penny down a drain. All fire and brimstone, he went a little off the rails demanding a clean sheet.

It may have been the angry tirade at half time but BNUPS were caught wrong footed and the Martians came out and grabbed an early goal back. It was reasonably well worked and was a good shot, going in across the face of goal and bouncing in off the post, but never-the-less still a little depressing. However, the BNU Public Service rebounded splendidly. 5-1.

Phil kicked off the scoring with another half way dribble-a-thon all the way into the goal. 6-1.

Monty knocked in his second. 7-1.

We got a second own-goal when a lob from Phil was viciously headed by a Martians defender back past his own keeper. 8-1.

Phil got his hattrick. 9-1.

A position shift occurred in the lead-in to the 10^th goal. Mortgage galloped eagerly forward to partner Monty upfront as Phil dropped to left back. Monty finished off his third for a fine hattrick after a clean pass inside by Mortgage. This also spelt a hattrick of hattricks for Monty who must have golden boot leader Ben looking over his shoulder.

Another position shift as Dom offered the gloves to Phil and came bounding out into the field, elbowing Monty back into the defence. The added pace and impetus upfront with only twelve minutes to go shook the lead-footed Martian defence to its core. Another strong run by Dan down the left spotted Mortgage, who passed it in, skilfully avoiding Dom, and found Donnie. Donnie controlled and cleverly fired a shot around Dom equally cleverly found himself standing right in front of the goal and the keeper. The alien keeper had no chance. 11-1.

Dan carried it in, and fired a shot that was deflected by the keeper across the face of goal into the path of the goal hungry Dom. 12-1.

In amongst all this was a succession of loud expletives from Donnie who grew ever more frustrated with each miss until he finally got one. Dom, engorged with a fierce bloodlust after his first goal, had a wee tanty when Dan went for a shot instead of passing to him.

Also with about 10 minutes to go, Gimli went off with a suspected dislocated toe. And when Glyn went off to see how he was doing, the BNU Public Service was effectively down to nine men. Phil had a wee blinder in goal though and we never looked in any real trouble. I mean 12-1 up with five minutes to go, we’d probably have to be down to three men before I’d consider dropping the strikers back to help out the keeper. However it was still kinda funny to hear poor Glyn’s appeal to his team mates as the enormity of the 4-on-1 suddenly dawned on him. Top stuff Glyn for keeping your head with no support around you.

Servant of the day: Donnie nominated himself and I could agree with him. For despite not bringing his shooting boots (apart from his goal), he ran around a lot, must have dropped in at least four assists (his estimate), tackled everybody, and contributed to an exceptional win. Special mention to Dan, played good, running all day, hattrick heroes Phil and Monty, and Dom for inventing the new Skeeper role (sweeper/keeper).

The team: June 16^th vs Petone Martians

Glyn	Dom/Gimli		Mortgage
Arnu
Nick	Donnie	Ben	Dan
	Monty	Phil
Subs
Ref
Absentees	Jarrod	Sam	Phil
Jules	BC	Johnny	AJ
Goals	1st	2nd
	O.G. (Gimli) 15’	Phil 55’
	Ben 20’	Monty 58’
	Monty 30’	O.G. (Phil) 60’
	Phil 35’	Phil 65’
	Ben 42’	Monty 78’
		Donnie 82’
		Dom 85’

I love steamrollers

Woo hoo. An excellent win on the weekend. A comprehensive thrashing of a team that probably should have done better but was beaten down by a Public Service that is starting to come into its own once again. An offence that has now realised 20 goals in its last three games and a defence that has given up only five goals in the ten matches played this season, suggest that this team is only getting better.

While leading at half time only two goals to nil, one of which was scored right on the whistle, the BNU Public Service had shown considerable dominance over the Porirua City (PC) first team. PC had had a couple of long distance shots at the BNUPS goal, but nothing ever truly threatening the goal. Up front, strikers Jules and Monty were causing all sorts of problems for the PC defence. There were no open goal missus this week, as an increasingly desperate defence, scrambled like crazy and was able to keep Monty and Jules scoreless for most of the half. Jules eventually got a pin point perfect through ball which he chased down and calmly slid past the advancing keeper. Monty hustled late in the half, beat his man and imitated Jules by sliding it past the advancing keeper.

The BNUPS had reffed for the first quarter but when it became apparent that PC had two subs warming up, they asked that the responsibility be taken back. Following this was a series of rather spiteful incidents as Donnie was targeted repeatedly with spiteful shoulders, elbows and hacks to the ankles. Nothing was called, but then again, Nick didn’t make one legal throw all afternoon and he was never called on it.

Half time had the BNUPS finally turning their backs to the sun with a certain sense of inevitability. Two minutes in, Nick was sent down the right wing by BC. He controlled the ball, looked inside and found Donnie about 5 yards outside the 18 yard box. Donnie floated in a perfect pass that Jules, standing on the penalty spot, chested down and volleyed in for a brilliant finish. And then the floodgates opened.

PC did have a half way decent centre back who was reasonably quick and had diffused a number of promising Public Service attacks in the first half. But with the score rising he was forced to push further and further forward, exposing a shockingly soft PC belly. Jules, Monty, Ben, Dan and Phil exploited his absence at every opportunity.

The goal of the game started in bizarre circumstances. Dan had been chopped down brutally, about 15 yards inside the PC half. The freekick was given and BC went to place the ball where the tackle had taken place. The referee decided that the tackle had actually happened pretty much on halfway and sent BC back. Ben, on the side line, cried foul, as did BC. The ref, decided he’d had enough and stormed off shouting “now you don’t have a ref. You’re phuked.” In a wonderfully deflating move, Ben piped up “I’ll ref mate” and liberated the whistle and jacket from his grasp. Ben indicated to BC to bring the ball up to the freekick spot, but BC declined. Instead, in a play reminiscent of Babe Ruth calling the Home Run to right field, BC called Monty’s name and launched ball into the goal mouth. Monty, standing perpendicular to the right hand upright, just outside the 6 yard box watched as the ball floated in. When it became apparent that the ball was not going to arrive at head height, Monty accelerated across the face of goal towards the penalty spot. The ball and Monty arrived at the same moment and with a simply tap, he bent the ball around the keeper and inside the left hand upright, all the while the defence and keeper stood shell-shocked. All class.

Ben and Phil scored solid goals from excellent build up play, Jules reffed, swapped for about three minutes with Monty, just enough time to complete his hattrick before he went back to reffing, allowing Monty to complete his.

In fact Monty could have had four, but for a rare moment of footballing charity. Dan had received the ball from MattNich wide out left. He dribbled in towards the goal, beating one, two and three defenders. Finding himself one on one with the keeper, Dan appeared unsure of quite what to do. And indeed the question remains if he did anything at all. It wasn’t a shot, it was a pass. It just kinda kept rolling towards the goal and then went in. Though Monty was right behind it shepherding it, resisting the desire to give that final tap and add one more to his tally.

Sadly, we weren’t able to keep our own net untouched. A strong low cross found a striker who had managed to leave his marker. A good shot, low and perfectly into the bottom right hand corner was fairly unstoppable. However the shouts of joy and cries of “that was the best defence in the competition, guys!!” kind of made it okay, I guess. At least there is respect there. Only five teams have managed to score against us, and of those five, one was an on goal, one was a mean deflection, two were silly mistakes, and Saturday’s was actually a very good shot. Good work lads.

Servant of the Day: Dan – ran all day, set up a couple, “scored” one. Honourable mention: Jules and Monty, Hattrick heroes.

Dick of the day: Another difficult one. Can’t think of any really, least not on our team. We did have a bit of a “handbag moment”. From a kick off, the ball came at BC at such an angle so as to have the full force of the sun shining directly into his eyes for the almost complete duration of its flight. Consequently he turned away when he realised he had no idea where the ball was and that the red blur in his vision was not a PC jersey but in fact his burning retna. The ball hit the back of his legs and no harm was done, but it was still a bit of a minties moment.

The team: June 9^nd vs Porirua City

Dom
Johnny	Mortgage		Dan
Ben
Nick	Donnie	BC	Phil
	Monty	Jules
Subs	MattNich
Ref
Absentees	Jarrod	Sam	Gimli
	Arnu	AJ
Goals	1st	2nd
	Jules 30’	Jules 48’
	Monty 45’	Monty 54’
		Ben 60’
		Phil 70’
		Jules 78’
		Monty 80’
		Dan 85’

Golden boot: As at June 11

Player	Goals
Ben	12
Phil	8
Monty	7
Jules	6
Jarrod	5
Donnie	3
BC	3
Jones	2
Dan	2
Arnu	1
Gimli	1
Sam	1
Fynny	1
TOTAL	52

CAPITAL 13:

Island Bay Piglets                    6    Petone Martians                2

SV Destroyers                         2    Uni Bombers                     4

Wainuiomata                          2    Karori Swifts                      1

Brooklyn Pints                        2    Uni Lateral                         1

SV Sunshine                          3    Porirua City Mana              2

Western Suburbs                     5    Upper Hutt Slayers             2

Porirua City                             1    Brooklyn Northern              9

                                              P  W  D  L  GF  GA  Pts

Brooklyn Northern                    10  8  2  0  52   5  26

Wainuiomata                           10  7  2  1  25  17  23

SV Sunshine                           10  7  1  2  37  21  22

Brooklyn Pints                         10  7  0  3  28  19  21

Island Bay Piglets                    10  6  0  4  38  36  18

Porirua City                             10  5  0  5  22  25  15

Uni Bombers                           10  4  2  4  17  22  14

Uni Lateral                              10  4  1  5  23  24  13

Karori Swifts                            10  3  3  4  27  24  12

Western Suburbs                     10  4  0  6  21  32  12

Petone Martians                      10  3  2  5  25  34  11

SV Destroyers                         10  2  1  7  23  36   7

Upper Hutt Slayers                  10  1  1  8  27  44   4

Porirua City Mana                      0  1  1  8  20  46   4