On the 12th day of christmas......

Hoooooo baby.

Look this is gonna be a rather shambolic effort. We scored lots. I can’t remember them in order so this will be a series of short goal descriptions. 12 in all. That’s right, 12.

Foreword

We played the Petone Martians at Petone Memorial ground, which was actually quite good, with excellent nets, and a firm track. They had a flash-as ref for the first half who told a few people *cough(Donnie)* to stop swearing. We had no subs with no less than seven regular public servants away for numerous reasons.

Gimli scored first, it was about 15 minutes into the game. Glyn brought the ball in deep from right back. He passed across the top of goal and found Ben in good position but under considerable pressure. Gimli was screaming for it coming over the half way line. Ben laid it off and Gimli gave it a good solid hammering. It was arguably going in, he middled it so it was likely headed over. But football is a funny game and anything can happen. In this case, it did. Some Martian stuck his hand up and the ball ricocheted into the back of the net. Top stuff, lots of Messi/Maradona gags abounded. 1-0.

A nice lob in from somebody (probably Donnie) found Ben’s head and the back of the net. Nice work. 2-0.

Monty got the ball somewhere, dribbled for quite a while then struck home a strong first up offering.3-0.

Phil was not a favourite of the Martian’s keeper, who spent fully three quarters of the first half fetching Phil’s wild shots from the car park, 50 yards behind the goal. Phil finally got one, when, in a rare moment of indecision (normally its a simple decision, just hammer it), Phil decided to aim at the keeper. It was a pretty strong shot but the keeper chose, not to catch it but to parry it into his goal. Phil later said he felt a bit guilty about claiming that one. 4-0.

Ben got the ball at about half way and pretty much dribbled the ball up and into the goal. A solid piece of individual brilliance. 5-0.

Middleword

Despite a five-nil lead Dom still came off the field angry as a Scotsman who’s dropped a penny down a drain. All fire and brimstone, he went a little off the rails demanding a clean sheet.

It may have been the angry tirade at half time but BNUPS were caught wrong footed and the Martians came out and grabbed an early goal back. It was reasonably well worked and was a good shot, going in across the face of goal and bouncing in off the post, but never-the-less still a little depressing. However, the BNU Public Service rebounded splendidly. 5-1.

Phil kicked off the scoring with another half way dribble-a-thon all the way into the goal. 6-1.

Monty knocked in his second. 7-1.

We got a second own-goal when a lob from Phil was viciously headed by a Martians defender back past his own keeper. 8-1.

Phil got his hattrick. 9-1.

A position shift occurred in the lead-in to the 10^th goal. Mortgage galloped eagerly forward to partner Monty upfront as Phil dropped to left back. Monty finished off his third for a fine hattrick after a clean pass inside by Mortgage. This also spelt a hattrick of hattricks for Monty who must have golden boot leader Ben looking over his shoulder.

Another position shift as Dom offered the gloves to Phil and came bounding out into the field, elbowing Monty back into the defence. The added pace and impetus upfront with only twelve minutes to go shook the lead-footed Martian defence to its core. Another strong run by Dan down the left spotted Mortgage, who passed it in, skilfully avoiding Dom, and found Donnie. Donnie controlled and cleverly fired a shot around Dom equally cleverly found himself standing right in front of the goal and the keeper. The alien keeper had no chance. 11-1.

Dan carried it in, and fired a shot that was deflected by the keeper across the face of goal into the path of the goal hungry Dom. 12-1.

In amongst all this was a succession of loud expletives from Donnie who grew ever more frustrated with each miss until he finally got one. Dom, engorged with a fierce bloodlust after his first goal, had a wee tanty when Dan went for a shot instead of passing to him.

Also with about 10 minutes to go, Gimli went off with a suspected dislocated toe. And when Glyn went off to see how he was doing, the BNU Public Service was effectively down to nine men. Phil had a wee blinder in goal though and we never looked in any real trouble. I mean 12-1 up with five minutes to go, we’d probably have to be down to three men before I’d consider dropping the strikers back to help out the keeper. However it was still kinda funny to hear poor Glyn’s appeal to his team mates as the enormity of the 4-on-1 suddenly dawned on him. Top stuff Glyn for keeping your head with no support around you.

Servant of the day: Donnie nominated himself and I could agree with him. For despite not bringing his shooting boots (apart from his goal), he ran around a lot, must have dropped in at least four assists (his estimate), tackled everybody, and contributed to an exceptional win. Special mention to Dan, played good, running all day, hattrick heroes Phil and Monty, and Dom for inventing the new Skeeper role (sweeper/keeper).

The team: June 16^th vs Petone Martians

Glyn	Dom/Gimli		Mortgage
Arnu
Nick	Donnie	Ben	Dan
	Monty	Phil
Subs
Ref
Absentees	Jarrod	Sam	Phil
Jules	BC	Johnny	AJ
Goals	1st	2nd
	O.G. (Gimli) 15’	Phil 55’
	Ben 20’	Monty 58’
	Monty 30’	O.G. (Phil) 60’
	Phil 35’	Phil 65’
	Ben 42’	Monty 78’
		Donnie 82’
		Dom 85’